Time Will Tell

As I sit and ponder what life means to me, I can't help but wonder where I will be in five years from now. Will I be working full time at a job that really brings me no satisfaction? Working for someone else and letting my life lead me instead of the other way around? Will I be able to accomplish goals that I have set for myself that seem realistic, but somehow still loom as unattainable? Will I be happy~I mean REALLY happy in the life that I am living and creating for myself? Oh, how I hope that I can say "no" to the first two nagging questions, and "yes" to the last two pulse pounding, gut wrenching, burning questions.
I know what I want for myself. I know that I want to be creating fine jewelry and selling it and making a living at just that. I want to be able to be there for my boys when they need me. I want to be able to have time in my life to do the fun things that are so important to me and my family. I want to take hold of my life and change it. I want to have peace and tranquility in the work that I do and the life that I live. I want to do this...

and be able to make a living at it.
Am I the only person in the world who feels unsettled? Am I the only person in the world that yearns for something else? I am the only person in the world that feels that there is more for me~I just have to reach out and grasp it and not let fear get in my way?
FEAR~now there is a big word! it consumes me at times. Every time I think about taking hold of my life and changing it. Every time I think about making jewelry and having that be my only job. Every time I think about making big changes in my life. There is one thing about me though...Fear has never stood in my way when I really wanted something bad enough that I would do anything for it.
I guess I am also afraid of failing. Failing as a self-employed, work at home, jewelry artist with kids to take care of. FEAR OF FAILING!!! That is my biggest fear! It grabs a hold of my throat and holds me down until I can't breathe. It chokes the life out of me and makes me re-evaluate every decision I have ever made...every decision that I want to make for my future. And then I rise up and my mind starts to clear and I am right back at it again~wanting more...dreaming about more...wishing for more...and determined to not let FEAR stand in my way. I think I must push forward because that is what every ounce of my being is telling me to do! Fear has taken a back seat once again...but I am not sure how long it will last this time. I guess time will tell.