One of the things I WAS looking for!
Another of the things I WAS looking for!
Oh yeah, and one other thing I WAS looking for!
And one thing I WAS NOT looking for...
And one other thing I WAS NOT looking for...
And This I WAS NOT looking for either, but...
This I HAD TO HAVE, as I already have book one and book three, so I had to fill in the gap! There are two more of these books in the series currently, book four and five, but I will have to wait for them to come out in paperback. Oh, and if you have never felt a book cover just for the feel, I highly recommend it. The cover and the pages of this series are totally cool to the touch! I love to thumb the pages just for the wonderful soft feeling in my fingertips.
I am a dreamy, die hard book lover. It is part of me, as my heart and lungs and soul are part of me. The book world captivates me and holds me its prisoner until someone or something comes along to jolt me back to the here and now of things. It is a world of imagination and wonder and a place where anyone can go at anytime to escape, and I absolutely love to escape. It is what keeps me sane. The smells and the visual stimulation of a true, honest-to-God bookstore could never be replaced by e-books or computers. That is why I know that the book industry is not going away anytime soon. There are too many like me out there that need to walk through the doors of a bookstore just for the scent of it, just to walk among the gondolas filled to the top with the rich colors and mystical depictions of worlds far away that none of us can imagine until we open the pages and begin to see with our minds. To feel the pages between finger and thumb gives a pleasure to so many that it can never be replaced by the Kindle's™or the Nook's™. There are still many out there like myself that just have to pick up a book and hold it in the palm of their hand, that have to flip through the pages and look at the font and see the drawings and the illustrations as they were intended to be seen. I definitely am in the age of technology with wishes of owning a Nook™, but at the same time, I NEED books! I HAVE to be able to walk into a bookstore or a library and pick up a book in all of its glory and thumb through its pages and see it and feel it and touch it and smell it. This is what will never die, the captivating stimulating feelings that only a book can provide. Oh, I am sorry, Did I fail to mention that I am a book lover? Through and through I tell you!!
Reality Check: I have already read the necessary parts of The Writer's Digest Guide to Query Letters and I have begun to immerse myself into the pages of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Getting Published.
I lay awake in my bed until after midnight last night, still contemplating the idea of being a "Published Author". Do I move forward with this idea that I cannot get out of my head, or do I let it die? Do I withstand the pressures of trying to get a publisher to even glance at the pages of my manuscript or do I just step aside and tell myself it was a good try, but maybe I am not cut out for all of this? Do I continue to write and re-write and re-do and second guess my work in hopes of making it better or just let the pages rest where they may and move on to something else that is not so difficult and more 'conventional'? I ask myself these questions every single day and every single day, I tell myself the same thing...I was meant to do something with this talent that God has given me. I am meant to move forward and withstand the heartache and the rejection notices and the trials that I must go through to plunge ahead in this sea of unknown. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I will continue to gain the knowledge necessary to put me on the shelves of the bookstores. I will continue to reach out and grasp every bit of information I can to help me along this trying and difficult road. I will continue to find the inspiration and the strength to keep going in a forward fashion. I cannot and will not give up.
It is hard and it is time consuming and there are times when I feel my time could be better spent doing something else, but then I find myself thinking about the story and all of its wonderful characters once again and I move back to it, pushing forward, tearing down the walls that tower before me. I can't stop, I am compelled to write. I have to move forward, maybe take a little break once in a while, but move forward none-the-less. I just can't help myself.
I was awake at 5:30 this morning. I have a job interview on Tuesday. I may be moving back into the work force. This is a scary thought for me. I worked so hard for so long trying to do what I thought was best and I didn't fare too well. What if it happens again? What if...? Will I lose myself again to the wishes and demands of others? Will I lose my identity that I have worked these last 10 months to create as a writer and a jewelry artist? Will I have to give up my passions to take on less of myself? Life is a scary place and I find myself plagued with thoughts of 'if only' and 'how can I' to which there is no real answer. I just hope that if there are lessons to be learned in all of this, that they are not being lost on me. My heart tells me one thing, but my mind tells me quite another.
Rationality and reality need to step in somewhere along the way. I know that if I take on a 'traditional' or 'conventional' job that my family will be provided for. This is what makes me want to step back into the working world. But at the same time, I can't help but feel that I am giving up what truly makes me happy, writing and making jewelry and being here for my kids when they need me, and walking my 6 miles everyday (well almost everyday, anyway). There are so many things about ME that I have discovered and really LIKE about myself and who I have become, and I know that I will have to put some of these things on the back burner once more. I don't like the idea of working nights and weekends, but I may HAVE to. This aggravates me! 'How can I'...'I just wish'... and 'if only'...
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